It's The Little Things...

I've found since we started our adoption process that it's the little things that mean soooo much in this endless (it seems) wait until we can get that sweet boy home. 

Each time documents got sent somewhere I (we) would heave a big sigh.  I almost surprise myself each time how big the sigh is.  It's as if I've been holding my breath.  Or when something "official" is returned in the mail that we have been anxiously awaiting...another big exhale and a happy dance. 

I guess all the heavy exhaling is kind of like the birthing process.  Maybe I just need to start doing a lot of heavy breathing and this whole process will speed up.  Uh yeah...I didn't think so.  I'll just be very light-headed stumbling around.

Another one of the "little" things that really is very HUGE to us is when we are able to get updates on Hudson.  We've gotten 2 updates in the past few weeks and I can't describe to you how comforting it is to see pictures of him and find out what he is doing developmentally.

On the flip side of that, it makes the waiting so much harder and longer.  I get a lump in my throat so big that it takes a while for it to go away.  He changes so much in each update.  Each time I see him I think to myself...is that really him.  Of course, I know that it is but month to month the changes amaze me. 

This time there were pictures of him with his foster momma and daddy.  He was laying his head on his foster momma's shoulder all snuggled in and looking down at something so content.  I'm so thankful that he is so well cared for.  I'm so thankful that he will know how to bond with other people.  So many children that have been institutionalized have attachment issues when they come home.  They've never known the constant love and care from someone.

I found this poem on a blog earlier this week and it touched my heart.  It sums up what's in my heart when I get that great big 'ole lump in my throat. 

As a girl I had a common dream, to be a mom someday.
My baby would have eyes of blue and hair the hue of hay.
But now my dreams have been transformed. New visions fill my head.
Now the tresses that I long to stroke are raven black instead.
And in my dreams those are not so big or blue or round.
And in my dreams they’re almond shaped and colored cocoa brown.
And in my dreams my arms can stretch across enormous seas.
They reach half-way across the world and hold you close to me.
As you grow in your mother’s womb carefully knit together,
You also grow in my heart where you will stay forever.
And in my dreams the moment that your mother says good-bye,
I’ll be right there to comfort you and hold you as you cry.
Our features may not look alike; we’re as different as can be.
But still I know the Father has created you for me.
And though I’ve not yet seen your face or held your tiny hands,
and though we’re half a world apart in very different lands.
I’ll be right there to get you just as soon as God allows.
But ‘til he says the time is right, I give to you this vow.
I’ll pray for your protection every night on bended knee,
For God will hold you in his arms until you’re here with me.
~written by Gayle Leubecker